THE BEADS AROUND MY WAIST

I fell and faltered,
and they fled my side.
I accepted the bitter, biting destiny
that we had outgrown each other -
family and I.
in solemn, solitary silences I watched wisps of clouds
scatter, and the clear, blue sky stand firmly behind the sun;
I marveled when dusk fanned the smoldering coals in
the horizon and darkness planted itself in the path of the sun:
I came up with you.
…birds in giddy colors flew with wild abandon and trees swayed
carelessly with a new air of sureness – I was told
that fulfilling your plan meant to desist from my own plan for myself.
it was then no wonder that they fled my side
when you entered my life, and I outgrew their name.
visibly, the loves in which I was invested because of blood were not
aligned with your will. and so they quickly unraveled
under the touch of your mighty breath.
when I saw that tiny, garish tanager flap its wings and take to a rough and awkward flight, almost tumbling,
I knew that I would not spend all my life crying behind a painted face.
And so I write this poem now, watching the smiling sun
part the clouds and break the unsuspecting dawn,
commanding the earth to rouse, to do, to pray. I scribble this now,
and give a calming thought to how the gracious light you proclaim remains,
and blinds me to all evil for it daily gives me the heady, hopeful thought
of time without a season…
…of a seamless love that leaps and jumps
beyond blood and last names, beyond the tarnished beads
around my waist, above beginnings and endings.

NGUGI WAS RIGHT!

 
Although I did not watch the much-publicized British Royal Wedding (Prince William and Kate Middleton) today I caught a quick glimpse of the vows and the balcony kiss.


I could not help but remember the last time I was in front of Buckingham Palace happily posing for a picture; I looked at the TV screen animated, naming members of the British Royal Family as their faces appeared. I felt English.


I believe it was the great Ngugi wa Thiong'o who said something to the effect that the trouble with trying to decolonize yourself or your mind is that you see just how impossible it is to do that. I thought of Ngugi at that moment because I know I would not be able to identify members of our Royal Families in Botswana (we have several such families).


I knew I did not have a picture of myself in Serowe at the Khama memorials or in Nhabe in front of Kgosi Tawana 1's old residence. I convinced myself that I was only watching a news report about Will and Kate just because I like weddings. Yes, I like weddings in the same emotional voyeuristic way I like award shows. Whatever. I knew deep down there was a connection I felt with this wedding because all my education and socialization in a former British protectorate has been preparing me to culturally identify more closely with such events than King Mswati's yearly marriages. Even in my energized Afrocentrism there are cracks that sometimes show when an event like today's Royal Wedding come up. And our hopelessly colonized curriculum on the continent is to blame for much of this.